"What a piece of work is man (or woman) ...How in Victory... sometimes a let down, but how in Defeat often like a god"

Why is it that we fear failure so much and yet often once it hits, it hurts less than trying to push it off? And how we fear the shame but so often we get the power when we let it happen? I was thinking of Hillary whom I admit was annoying the hell out of me...until she let it go. Admitted defeat. Now i like her again, I admire her. Even though it was "expected". Somehow seeing someone do it gives one pride. Like the kid who shakes the hand of the other kid who bitterly defeated him in the spelling bee. THAT kid you want to see again. Or like Richard II one of my fav plays, the guy is an idiot gets all he deserved. And yet in my favorite scene when he is in jail and having to grasp his plight and his lonliness, crap I just cry. I feel for the guy.

Anyways, so onward.

I am working constantly I feel. I signed on to do box office at the Bruns on Saturdays. I may regret this but shall see. And still doing Front of house for Fridays. This is just for this show, have to rethink it all for next.

Overly cautiousness....bad economies.... will it ever end?

Hello world. Where have I been? I have been in throws of dealing with various aspects of life. All facets seem to be converging upon me.

First the economic. As typical American, the failing economy doesn't full hit you until it fully hits YOU. Meaning I came as close to a lay off as I have ever been. I work a different summer job on campus and apparently it almost didn't happen this year. I wasn't prepared for said news when it arrived. Luckily it has worked out. But the University is having budget cuts. Well noting that food crisis world wide it's hard to feel too sorry for ones self. And gas prices too. But one wonders if Warren Buffet is indeed correct and we are worse off economically than we even know. Could the pain bring growth? such as it was after gas crisis in 70s that we started investing more in compact cars. I don't know but now I feel the pain.

Second the Spiritual: The above mentioned potential economic down turn brought me to a roller coaster of sorts spiritually. But I am working on that using the usual outlets Also working calshakes and their production of Pericles has been uplifting. The arts serve many purposes (and porpoises) so they can be there to remind us that life is more than THAT.

Third the Creative: I am working on my little geek themed show more and more. Goal is a script by July 4th, but more likely it will be partially formed by then.

Fourth the Existential. I had an existential jolt the other day. So now I have a head ache, a tooth ache and a heart ache. All at once. I am once again reminded I have little control over much of anything. But maybe it's for the best, as Marge Simpson sagely said "one person can change the world, but they probably shouldn't" So maybe my world is as it should be.